A few hours before writing this blog post, I had been out having a catch up with my Learner Support Assistant from College.
Life's treating me well however, there's still loads more room for improvement in regards to home life. As I mentioned in a previous blog post, life at home has been tough with my latest meltdown and unfortunately getting arrested by the police. I am still only a few metres from my house across the road although living alone has been great. My dad is now home from holiday after 3 long weeks so I'm not at home alone anymore. When I say 'home' I don't mean being at my very own home where I belong. I am calling my dad's place home for the moment until things settle. Am I worried about going home? I am although I'm not sure how or if it's going to happen to be honest. With the way things have turned out, I suppose it's become more serious this time round. Now I feel it's time to try change my life around make an improvement. I've been at home long enough although having the occasional walks into my local town has helped, It's now time to move one step forward and reutrn to college....
Having spent longer than a month away from College, Now is the time to slip back into routine and get my act together again. When I mentioned about meeting up with my Learner Support Assistant, Kate, a moment ago, We enjoyed a catch up at Costa as It had been too long since we've seen each other.
We obviously haven't met since backing out of college however meeting Kate has given me the hope for starting College again. We had a good long chat which we've both agreed that I return to College next Tuesday.
I feel ready to go back now and I feel I need normanity back. At least then, College is breaking up my time away from home and gives me that much needed space away.
Kate very kindly treated me to a Hot Chocolate and a piece of cake along with generously gifting me some of my favourite bottle of juice that I hadn't had since College. Kate certainly knows what my favourites are! If you're reading this Kate...I want to say thank you again! I really appreciate.
I also felt very happy to receive a get well soon card from Kate which included little nice messages from my Classmates from College. If you're reading this you guys...Thank you so much. It's given me that even more of a push to get back to college! You're all very kind!
Getting back to College is what I'm going to focus on at the moment and then see what else happens from here. I really hope to get back home and start my routine again. I am still currently on bail until 11th December which I'm hoping will go smoothly and things will get better. Fingers Crosed.
Thanks for reading,
Today, I want to write something slightly different to what I normally write which still associates with Autism. As somebody myself who has autism, I occasionally find that autism myself can be often misunderstood and might not be something we're aware of enough. You readers may have heard of autism however, how many of you actually know a little bit about it?
Right now, I hope you readers can come away being a little more knowledgable of autism than you were before reading this. I strive to make you aware of the most common signs in everyday life...
Social Awareness is the most common sign of all. An autistic person's social awareness can sometimes be poor. It's all about interaction with others and knowing somebody's feelings. In most cases we have very little interest in interaction with others who are a similar age. This will often result in playing alone, keping yourself occupied although growing up myself, I would play on my own because it mostly involved me falling out with the other children. I wasn't good at playing with others, It was because I often didn't know how to. I would prefer to entertain myself as then I can be the boss of myself and there's nobody to fall out with. It was very rare I would enjoy going to birthday parties or celebrating special occasions because I would often get bored easily. Social Awareness is something I lack a lot of.
Behaviour is something I struggle with a lot. Somebody who's autistic like me, prefers to stick to a familiar routine. Whehter that's, going to bed a decent time or sticking to what I usually do during the day. A change of routine is something I really struggle with. Maintaining a settled and familiar routine I find keeps me happy however, breaking that usual routine can make me unsettled which makes my emotions change. I'm in an unfimiliar routine which then triggars me becoming upset, moody or angry. I don't like change. Staying in a regular and familiar routine keeps me happy.
I'm also not very good at doing something I'm asked to by somebody else, I respond in a negative way because I hate the word no. If somebody tells me no...I don't always like it which then causes a meltdown.
Speech and Language
Speech and Language is literally one of the most common symptoms of autism. People like us don't understand language used such as, metaphors, sarcasm or figures of speech. It's not my strongest area. If somebody told me something sarcastically, I would never understand and take it seriously.
I also had very delayed speech. I coudn't put phrases together to make a sentence. I found it hard to pronnounce words when I was little which delayed it. I'm much better now than what I was when I was little.
So there are 3 of my most common symptoms of autism. If you have autism and you can relate then please do get in touch! I would really like to hear your experiences.
I hope you've enjoyed reading this article and have learnt something new by this!
It's that time of the year again and this time my anger outburst is more serious than ever. It always seems to be around this time of the season as many people tell me. I suppose it's the festive season now and the change get's overwhelming. But that's certainly no excuse for my recent terrible actions...
I always really try my best not to let these outbursts of anger happen but they just slip out and I can't stop myself. Sometimes I over step the line with my temper. I go too far.
On Saturday 31st October which funnily enough happened to fall on Halloween. I unfortunately got arrested because an incident broke out at home involving myself losing my temper.
I was having a normal, chilled day filming videos for my blog until my mum returned home. Mum wasn't please that I had let my dogs have run of the house whilst she was out. Mum told me that the dogs are not allowed into the lounge. Then of couse; me being me, who doesn't like to be told no, I lashed out.
I always seem to lose my temper in really silly situations. This makes me feel very embarrassed.
I was in the middle of eating my tea when I launched the glass of juice off the table across the kitchen, obviously not thinking before doing it. That's a big issue of mine. I don't think about it, I just do it. I certainly need to think before I do something like this.
Mum was now stressed out even more and shouted at me so I then launched my tea across the room. in huge anger. By now I had lost control of myself and shamefully held a knife to my mum. Looking back now I had realised I had taken it too far.
The police was now called and they were soon to arrive. I was now angrier than ever although I didn't think I could even be anymore angry right now at the time so I dug the knife into my arm leaving my arm wounded and blood dripping from this small hole in my arm. I was hoping to really do some damage to myself. I was really upset and of course raging at myself.
Trashing the Kitchen still, realising the mess on the floor, my mum told me to calm down and stop. I couldn't stop myself. I saw red. I felt really hot headed.
As the police were nearly here. I ran outside onto the estate where I live with the knife chasing my mum's partner who had phoned the police. I was furious. The police were here now so I put the knife down. By now I was really upset and realised what I had done was totally wrong.
The police handcuffed me and arrested, I was taken to the police station to stay in custody overnight in the cells.
Morning had come and I had time to reflect on my behaviour. to which I deeply regret. If I could do it all differently I would. I hate myself for it.
Every episode gets worse and worse which becomes a regular yearly pattern. Only I can stop it although it's difficult. I just dig a deeper hole for myself everytime.
In the meantime I am released on bail until December however, in that time I'm not allowed any form of contact with my mum and home until my bail conditions are over. It's going to be really tough considering me and my mum are very close. It does upset me but I need to face the consequences and just deal with it. Only myself was to blame which I truly believe,
At the time of writing this, I am living at my dad's home until I attend court. I feel deeply ashamed of my actions right now and it's good to spend some time on my own until everything settles.
1. Read a book
This was the very first strategy that bounced into my head. Reading is such a favourite thing of mine to do. I’ve always enjoyed reading as it’s certainly something that helps me relax and keep calm. I read most nights before bed because it makes me unwind and I feel it makes me have a great night sleep so I’m feeling ready to take on the world in the morning. I always feel happy and fresh-minded after. It keeps my head clear.
2. Listen to music
Listening to music is my second best strategy. When I’m feeling a little irritated or stressed, I like to chill out in my room with my music on and do absolutely nothing but lye on my bed and stare into space. It makes me feel good about myself. I don’t always listen to loud music although I enjoy some tranquillity sounds from a CD, whether it’s the sound of tropical waves or the sound of nature, I love it!
3. Going for a walk
Walking is something I don’t really do as often as I should do although when I do, I feel fresh and unbothered. Whether that’s walking along the beach, in the woods or along the countryside I always make sure I have my camera as I enjoy taking photos throughout my stroll. I find it very exciting and of course, keeps me calm out in the fresh air so then when I go home, I feel relaxed and feel like I've earnt my time to chill out.
4. Multi-Sensory room
This might be something you haven’t come across before. If you haven’t then I’ll tell you. A sensory room is a room full of multi-coloured lighting which creates a calm and chilled atmosphere. The lights are not bright, they’re very dimmed. This one is another favourite of mine because it’s quiet. It makes me want to go sleep every time. I like to plunk myself on a nice, soft beanbag and get comfortable whilst watching the lights. It helps me in many ways.
5. Having a bath- Pamper yourselves!
Having a warm bath chills me out a lot. I like to have one if I feel stressed. It helps me sleep better when I go to bed. I like to dim the lights and just do nothing but lye there and close my eyes and reflect on the day I’ve had.
I want to talk about mental health in this blog post because I feel that sometimes Mental Health isn't taken very seriously and it's often misunderstood. By me writing this, I hope to make you more aware of it and understand that Mental Health isn't always how it seems.
Mental Health affects us in many different ways. Whether your Mental Health is a big or small problem, you should always talk about it and open up. Sometimes it's easier said than done but just remember, you're never alone. There's always help out there.
Going through my journey of life, it hasn't been a smooth ride. Now, as I'm writing this, I am not longing for sympathy, I'm sharing my story of Mental Health and my experience because it's important to embrace the struggles in our lives in order to help others overcome similar situations.
I have gone through years and years of suffering with my mental health. Before being diagnosed with autism, services and professionals were clueless as to what was going on with me. I spent time and time going under assments for different illneses such as Bi Polar disorder, sycosis. I was at my worst in around 2011 as my mental health spiralled out of control and I was continuously having meltdowns. My behaviour grew worse and worse. I was hearing voices, feeling suicidal and depressed. There wasn't much of a reason for this although my OCD affected me a lot and by this point I was getting stronger obsessions. My obbsesions would involve people who I would get too attached to and that can even be strangers who I've never met, that can triggar it.
At the time of being sectioned under the Mental Health Act in 2012 things grew worse for me and my wellbeing. I felt depressed and suicidal all because of one guy that I'd never really knew before who was strangely on my mind 24 hours a day. I'm not naming any names as that's what I'm not here to do.
Self-Harm is something I struggle with too. 5 years ago I started doing this. I don't know how it started but it became a big deal to forget. Self harming felt like a way of releasing all of the tention inside me that's built up. I take it out on myself because I'm the only person that can feel the pain by this. I am not going to lie, it did help creating wounds on myself because I was the one to blame for the mess I had been through.
Being sectioned for 4 months straight in East Sussex, The Priory was tough however it helped me so much and gave me hope that things will get better. I attended regular therapy sessions throughout my stay.
Being away from my family and my familiar enviroment was emotionally tough but I've come out of the other side feeling so much happier and knowing that there is always light at the end of the tunnel.
The experience was so worth it and it's helped me long term without going down that route again. It's given me the strength to beleive in myself. It's an experience I'll never forget!
Whatever you're going through right now, let me tell you now....There is always a way out and there's always that bright light at the end of the tunnel. Just beleive in yourself as it'll be worth it in the end.
I wanted to include this photo of myself and my mum as this was taken during my recovery in hospital when I went to London with my mum. If you're reading this mum then I just would like to say, thank you for the support you've given me throughtout the years and the courage to love life.
Thanks for reading guys, I really appreciate it.
Finally my brand new blog is up and running! I have wanted to switch websites for a while now, considering I’ve been blogging for a whole year already, I feel it’s time to renew and give my blog a fresh, new and modern style. This past week, I have certainly been keeping myself occupied and entertained with switching new blogs. I am so happy with the improvement! I now feel it fits in more style-wise in the blogging world.
One of the main reasons why I wanted to switch blogs is simply because my previous blog didn’t have an obvious spark, it needed improving totally! It was a little ancient, I wasn’t happy with it at all.
Now that I have switched blogs, I finally feel happy with the changes. I’m not at all saying my previous blog didn’t mean anything to me…because it did. It was my first ever blog which I’ll never forget. Times have changed and it’s pretty much the right time to do so. I’m glad everything is more organised. It’s simple to navigate yourselves around too.
Of course, I’m still going to be blogging daily as normal. I have also changed the theme. It’s now Autism, OCD and Life. These are the new individual page for the blog. It’s more organised and sorted into categories. I will be posting more regularly too!
I’m sure you’ll all get used to this! Let me know what you think in the comments below. I’m looking forward to hearing what you think!